A Beginning
I decided to start this because I don't really have anyone to talk to about the things I'm going to be writing about. I won't be using any names because I want to focus on the feelings and the ideas rather than names and identity.
The story is quite simple, really. I fell in love with a girl. She’s funny, smart, beautiful. She has an optimism that just shines and brightens up everything and everyone around her. She’s willing to think about things, people, and events around her, instead of just listening and believing everything she hears, reads, or is told. She has so much love for her family, and they love her right back. It’s a family so full of love and it makes so much sense that she came from it. She’s perfect.
We had known each other for six months. We talked to each other every chance we got. She knew me better than anyone ever has, and probably better than anyone ever will.
Then we were torn apart. It was my fault. I was planning a trip out west, and on my way back I wanted to visit her. There was one detail that had to be ironed out first, however: she had to tell her parents about me. Now, don’t get the wrong idea. We weren’t in a romantic relationship, we were just good friends. Well, needless to say, things didn’t go over very well. Her parents freaked out, mainly because they thought she was giving away all kinds of personal information to complete strangers. After a lot of arguing and tears, it was decided that she should stop talking to me. It was because of this that I cried for the first time in over ten years.
We wrote each other farewell emails, and that was it. As much as I wanted to shout that I wanted to be with her. As much as I wanted to say that I loved her and that I would fight to get her parents to understand. As much as I wanted to do what I’d seen in the movies, on TV, in stories, I just couldn’t. What could I do? It was either me, or her family, and I knew who would win that one, every single time.
It just wasn’t fair. We were friends, that was it. It was harmless. I can’t blame her parents for wanting to protect her, but the way things happened just didn’t feel right. Anyone who becomes a friend always starts out as a stranger. People are so afraid of the unknown, so untrusting these days. It just wasn’t fair. I never got a chance to defend myself, to show that I wasn’t some random, psychopathic stalker. I never got a chance to show how much I cared about her. On that day, I lost a piece of my heart.
Ever since then, the pain hasn’t subsided. If anything it’s gotten worse. I’ve had to fight to keep myself from breaking down crying at times. Time stands still for me. All I can do is keep trying to become a better person, to improve myself so that if I get the chance someday to talk to her parents and let them get to know me, then in their eyes, I’ll be worthy of being her friend. I’m not perfect, and I know that I can’t be perfect. I just want to be given a chance.
It hurts so much that I just want to let my heart go cold and shut down my emotions. But I promised her that I wouldn’t do that and that I’d hold onto my hope. I know that she’s surrounded by love, so she’ll be alright no matter what. All I’ve got is hope, and my faith that in the end people will do the right thing. That’s all I have to hold on to. Someone told my fortune once and said that I’d always be alone. They said that was the reason why I had sad eyes. Maybe I can change my destiny, and maybe I can’t. But at least I got to feel this way once, and maybe I’ll be able to change my destiny. I’ll keep following my red thread of fate, and I’ll keep my hope, even if the thread ends in a frayed end.
The story is quite simple, really. I fell in love with a girl. She’s funny, smart, beautiful. She has an optimism that just shines and brightens up everything and everyone around her. She’s willing to think about things, people, and events around her, instead of just listening and believing everything she hears, reads, or is told. She has so much love for her family, and they love her right back. It’s a family so full of love and it makes so much sense that she came from it. She’s perfect.
We had known each other for six months. We talked to each other every chance we got. She knew me better than anyone ever has, and probably better than anyone ever will.
Then we were torn apart. It was my fault. I was planning a trip out west, and on my way back I wanted to visit her. There was one detail that had to be ironed out first, however: she had to tell her parents about me. Now, don’t get the wrong idea. We weren’t in a romantic relationship, we were just good friends. Well, needless to say, things didn’t go over very well. Her parents freaked out, mainly because they thought she was giving away all kinds of personal information to complete strangers. After a lot of arguing and tears, it was decided that she should stop talking to me. It was because of this that I cried for the first time in over ten years.
We wrote each other farewell emails, and that was it. As much as I wanted to shout that I wanted to be with her. As much as I wanted to say that I loved her and that I would fight to get her parents to understand. As much as I wanted to do what I’d seen in the movies, on TV, in stories, I just couldn’t. What could I do? It was either me, or her family, and I knew who would win that one, every single time.
It just wasn’t fair. We were friends, that was it. It was harmless. I can’t blame her parents for wanting to protect her, but the way things happened just didn’t feel right. Anyone who becomes a friend always starts out as a stranger. People are so afraid of the unknown, so untrusting these days. It just wasn’t fair. I never got a chance to defend myself, to show that I wasn’t some random, psychopathic stalker. I never got a chance to show how much I cared about her. On that day, I lost a piece of my heart.
Ever since then, the pain hasn’t subsided. If anything it’s gotten worse. I’ve had to fight to keep myself from breaking down crying at times. Time stands still for me. All I can do is keep trying to become a better person, to improve myself so that if I get the chance someday to talk to her parents and let them get to know me, then in their eyes, I’ll be worthy of being her friend. I’m not perfect, and I know that I can’t be perfect. I just want to be given a chance.
It hurts so much that I just want to let my heart go cold and shut down my emotions. But I promised her that I wouldn’t do that and that I’d hold onto my hope. I know that she’s surrounded by love, so she’ll be alright no matter what. All I’ve got is hope, and my faith that in the end people will do the right thing. That’s all I have to hold on to. Someone told my fortune once and said that I’d always be alone. They said that was the reason why I had sad eyes. Maybe I can change my destiny, and maybe I can’t. But at least I got to feel this way once, and maybe I’ll be able to change my destiny. I’ll keep following my red thread of fate, and I’ll keep my hope, even if the thread ends in a frayed end.
posted by L at
9:48 PM
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