Lately things have been pretty rough. I've been feeling more alone and isolated than ever. I just don't seem to have any sort of purpose in life. I have dreams and goals, but every time I try to reach them, I get cut off.

The past year or so has been full of ups and downs. I've gotten my act together, got my master's degree, explored my own spirituality, and I've tried to change myself into a better person. For a while, I was happy. I wasn't alone anymore, and because of that I didn't need to be the person I used to be in order to cope. Then things started to unravel…

As of right now, I have no purpose in life. I work, come home, eat, sleep, rinse, repeat. Sometimes it makes me wonder if a life like this is even worth living. I thought I had found something to live for, something to keep me going in her. But now it seems like she doesn't even want to acknowledge my existence. I've somehow managed to keep myself going on the ever-dimming hope that things will get better, but the longer I go on the further I slip into this feeling of helplessness that's enveloped me. Every day I come home to letters and emails telling me I've been rejected for interviews at jobs that I more than qualify for. Every day, I hope for an email from her or for her to come online so that I can talk to her. Every day, I look for someone to just talk to, only to find myself alone in the dark.

At this point it looks like I've got two choices. Either I can revert to the person I was before – bitter, chaotic, miserable, pessimistic, but used to and able to handle being alone all the time, or I can stay as I am and bear with the pain. The thing is… I like who I've become. I like being optimistic about things. I like thinking that there's hope. I like having something to believe in. I like feeling like love is in my reach.

The reality of things doesn't look good right now. The hope that I've been running on is just about gone, I'm finding it harder and harder to stay optimistic, and I find myself constantly questioning whether or not I can keep going. But something keeps driving me on. I have no idea what it is, or why I keep going, but one way or another, whether I find my purpose in life, or it finds me, or even if I have make one with my bare hands, I will have a purpose to my life. Even if I never find peace, even if I never find the love I'm looking for, I'll keep living. Even if there's no hope for me, I'll keep improving myself, I'll keep getting stronger, I'll keep helping other people. I'll do something worthwhile, even if it's never acknowledged, even if it goes unappreciated. If I do find what I'm looking for in life, I'll live happily. If I end up in a crash and burn of epic proportions, so be it. One thing's for sure, I'm not going to sit around and do nothing if I can help it, and I won't give up.

My wings have been clipped… I'm falling fast… and the ground's rushing up to meet me. If I hit, I'll shatter into a million pieces. But right now, I think I'm ok with that. If anyone's going to shatter it's better that it's me rather than someone I can help.